Author's note: a stream of consciousness
It is Halloween night. My friends and I are sneaking around the graveyard. Gregory says this is a bad idea, but what does he know? My brother is always worrying and being a goodie goodie. I cannot believe I had to take him with me trick or treating. AGAIN. But that gives me a perfect chance to get back at him for getting me grounded. AGAIN. Gregory, Nikko (my best friend), and I jump over the fence, and as soon as my feet make contact with the ground, something eerily cold seems to pass through me. But we continue on. As wear near the gravestone we are headed to, the one we planted a trap in, Gregory gets more and more reluctant.
"Please stop!" he whines "We can just go home and trade the candy we already have!"
But I tell him
But I tell him
"You don't have enough candy to last the week. I told you, there will be more candy than your little heart could ever desire under this grave. But if you don’t want to come you can go back alone, but we're not coming with, are we, Nikko?"
"That's right, but I'm sure you'll be fine, zombies only like nine year old boys."
"But I'm nine!" yells Gregory.
"Ooh," fakes Nikko "We'll it was nice knowin' ya!"
We snicker and start to walk away, knowing Gregory would stop us and say
"OK, OK I'm coming! Wait for me!"
But he didn't.
And when he didn't, we turned around, only to find Gregory's spilled trick or treat bag spilled out all over the grass.
Panicking, I say
"Gregory this isn't funny, come out!"
Silence.
"Gregory?"
I can't believe it. He must be playing a trick on me. I'll be in so much trouble if I can't find him!
I turn to Nikko for help, but he's gone. I spin around in circles trying to spot either of the two, seeing nothing but endless graves.
Now the fog is getting thicker, stinging my eyes. The silence is ringing in my ears. There is no wind, nothing to carry my scream when I feel something grab hold of my ankle, and pull me under, into darkness.
To be continued...
UPDATE. NOW!!!! AS IN, N. O. W. NOW. You are a great writer and I like how you have a cliffhanger, but... Now I want to read it. You did a really great job on it. please make more. you could even use that as a base for a book and come out with a non published yet still sold book.
ReplyDeleteThere are a couple of errors like missing commas.
ReplyDeleteI love this story, and the fact that it started with a stream of consciousness journal entry. The dialog is excellent, as it sounds like real kids talking, but I would also add that you should take a look at the resource on my Moodle that shows how to appropriately punctuate dialog. Keep up the excellent writing.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me want to know more. I really like the way you described this, like when you said it was "eerily cold."
ReplyDeleteI liked this story. The author's note was a good touch, but next time the author's note should be in italics and then you should leave a space between it and he writing. Your word choice was also very good. There were also some spelling and grammatical errors, but on the other hand, great job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked the story and the way you left us hanging, but you had a few spelling errors and grammatical errors. PLEASE CONTINUE!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete